Harmony Recovery has been providing addiction healthcare services in Estes Park since 1969. We would like to offer these stories from our alumni to show the humanity, strength, and perseverance of those working to recover from addiction. Often stigmatized and misunderstood by society, people on their path to recovery are managing a chronic illness which is a unique journey for each individual. Here is one such story. – Shane Hudson, CEO, Harmony Recovery
Drinking and using started early for me. I would put anything in my body that could change the way I felt. As a child, I never felt like I truly belonged and always felt a little different from other kids. I needed something to help with that feeling. Naturally, it didn’t take long for my curiosity about drugs and other substances to grow.
At the age of 14, I was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia and placed on probation. One of the requirements of my probation was mandatory drug screening, or urinalysis (UA) tests. However, it didn’t take me long to realize these tests did not screen for alcohol. As a result, I quickly discovered liquor.
I loved it and enjoyed every part of it. I felt like I had finally arrived. After a few drinks, I could be part of something. For the first time, I felt like I fit in. Unfortunately, it never stopped with just a few drinks, and that feeling would soon escape me. I was a blackout drinker.
Eventually, my drinking worsened, and I began experimenting with cocaine. Although drugs were part of my story, they were never the main problem—alcohol was. I also lost several friends at a young age to drugs and alcohol, and because I didn’t know how to cope with the grief, I drank even more. It became a vicious cycle.
As my drinking continued, there were many more encounters with jail, probation, detox centers, and hospitals—the only places where I could draw a sober breath. My drinking became so severe that my health rapidly declined. I started having alcohol-withdrawal seizures whenever my body didn’t have alcohol in it. Despite many warnings from doctors that my drinking was a serious problem, I continued drinking, often just switching brands. I could never be honest with myself. I didn’t want to die from drinking, but some mornings I welcomed the idea.
By the end of my drinking, every morning was filled with violent shakes, an upset stomach, possible seizures, and overwhelming regret. I couldn’t hold a job for very long. I rarely showed up on Mondays, and some weeks I couldn’t even make it in on Tuesdays. I had reached the lowest point of my drinking career. I was unable to function without alcohol, and every time I drank, I blacked out.
One afternoon, my cousin—who was like a brother to me growing up—came over to discuss some possible work opportunities. Instead, he talked about me, my life, and where I really wanted it to go. Something happened in that moment. I realized I didn’t want to die from alcohol. I wanted to finally do something about my drinking.
That day, I went to detox and began searching for treatment centers in the area. Even after making that decision, I drank heavily for another week—something I’m lucky to have survived.
After many phone calls and dead ends, I finally got ahold of Harmony. They were able to get me in almost immediately, which was a true blessing and the beginning of a new chapter.
I arrived at Harmony on April 12, 2021. When I showed up to detox, I blew a .59 BAC, which was too high for Harmony to safely detox me. Fortunately, I was transported to Estes Park Hospital, where I was stabilized and medically detoxed before returning to Harmony.
I remember going outside for some fresh air shortly after arriving back on campus. It was beautiful and snowing, and I kept hearing a voice in my head saying, “This is it, Matt. This is it.”
I surrendered at Harmony and participated in everything I could. I listened, addressed my mental health, let go of old burdens, and began to recover. The entire staff was amazing. The fact that many of them were in recovery themselves made a huge difference. Everyone was incredibly helpful and made me feel safe enough to be open about my own personal struggles.
My mind started to clear. I could smile again. It felt good to do normal things like eat a meal and take a shower. Harmony provided healing. It gave me the opportunity to break a cycle that I could not stop on my own, and for that I will always be grateful. However, I still had fears about leaving treatment and returning to everyday life.
On my first day out of Harmony, I found a group of people who understood what I was going through and connected with them. Those are the same people I proudly call my friends today. Harmony helped me get sober. A 12-step program helps me stay sober.
Through continuous work in a 12-step program, I have remained sober since April 13, 2021. I am grateful to everyone who helped me along the way and for the continued support I receive today.
If you are struggling with addiction, know that recovery is possible. I am living proof that no matter how hopeless things may seem, there is a way out and a better life waiting on the other side.
– Matt G