When I was 12 years old and got drunk and high on the same night, I felt like I was home. I had arrived. As I lay on my back, the world spinning around me, I remember thinking, how can I feel like this every second, every minute, every hour of every day of my life? It was a feeling I chased in various ways for the next 18 years.
When I found opiates, my life changed forever. It became a toxic, abusive relationship—one I wouldn’t walk away from for nearly a decade. By the time I got to Harmony in May of 2018, I had moved across the country trying to run from myself. I had been to jail in four different states and had overdosed several times. And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
The problem with running from yourself is that you always follow. This was my fifth time in rehab when I walked through the doors of Harmony and into the detox wing. I was in bad shape. I had begun using drugs intravenously, I felt completely powerless, and my life had become unmanageable.
I learned a lot during that month at Harmony. I heard firsthand how my addiction had impacted my parents and my girlfriend at the time. I connected with a group of incredible men who were all working toward the same goal—we became a brotherhood. The experience extended beyond the clinical setting, too. The food was top tier, and we were taken weekly into Rocky Mountain National Park. Being surrounded by that kind of natural beauty was something I had never experienced before. Having moved to Colorado from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, it felt like I was on another planet.
Sadly, I only made it 14 months after leaving Harmony before returning to my old abusive partner—heroin. I had stopped doing everything that had been working. I became isolated, my support system shrank, and that insidious thought crept back in: I can control it this time. I convinced myself I could use just once, that no one would know, and that I would get back on track the next day. That obviously didn’t happen.
I struggled for another six years. During that time, I was admitted to rehab or detox facilities 26 times. I became a repeat patient at many places across Colorado. Still, I can say with complete honesty that Harmony saved my life.
After leaving rehab at one point, I overdosed twice in two days. Multiple people from Harmony reached out and urged me to return to Estes Park. I made the trip, and they kept me safe from myself while helping me find a longer-term facility that I desperately needed. I wish I could say that was the end of the story, but I still couldn’t stop.
Throughout my recovery journey, I often heard the phrase, “it takes what it takes.” For me, it took a lot. I returned to Harmony a couple more times before something finally began to stick. During my last stay, I got honest—with myself, with others, and with the treatment team. I opened up about things I had never fully acknowledged before.
In one session with a mental health professional, I experienced what many would call a breakthrough. We had a deep, existential conversation about purpose—am I supposed to be here, and why? From that point on, I began noticing things I had never noticed before. I started asking questions and searching for answers that had kept me stuck for so long. Harmony helped me realize that I deserved recovery, happiness, and a life worth living.
After leaving treatment this time, I committed fully. I entered a strict sober living environment, eventually became a house manager, and worked through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today, I sponsor other men who are on their own recovery journeys.
As I write this, I have 786 days sober. I attend meetings daily. I start each morning with prayer to a Higher Power of my understanding, and I read pages 83–88 of the Big Book to ground myself for the day. I have a great job that continues to provide new opportunities, and most importantly, I have my family back.
These are all things I began learning at Harmony. The difference today is that I continue to do what works. I use the tools I’ve been given, and I don’t stop.
I am eternally grateful to Harmony and the staff for continuing to extend a helping hand. I don’t know where I would be without them.
-Mike D.